Desertion

I can hardly wait for my humans to be home on the weekends in order to give me their undivided attention. Most weekends, it works out splendidly. This past Friday, however, things started off a little shaky. First, the humans took out the big zippered bags from the top closet shelf. Immediately, Chance began to whine. Really, he sobbed like a baby. This got all the rest of us in a tizzy.

We had good reason to worry, too. The humans threw their clothes in those big bags and left with them early the next morning. They were gone before we even had a chance to say "woof". Dad put Izzy in the crate with food and the rest of us were left to fend for ourselves.

Later, mom’s younger human boy came over and spent the night. He was cool because he brought Leo over. We played and played.

Even though I was having fun, I kept wondering where our parents were and when they planned to return. I worried they may not make it back, so I had some posters made. The reward was going to be several liver treats - pretty tempting, huh?

Finally, late yesterday afternoon, they arrived home, tired and smelling of tamales. I was so overjoyed, I didn't even care that they didn't bring me a doggie bag. I was stuck to mom like glue for the rest of the night.

I've decided that the next time they get those bags down from the closet shelf, I'm going to jump in there and hide under the clothes when they're not looking.

Izzy the Pig

Sunday morning Daddy put food in our bowls as usual. Izzy went straight for our my bowl without a second glance to see if I might want to go first. She turned into a ravenous little pig, right before my eyes, gobbling up the morsels before I even had a chance to react. I stood behind her waiting patiently for my turn and also to let her know that - hello! - others are hungry, too. She responded by growling, showing her teeth, and glaring at me. The nerve! I thought mom might come to my rescue, but she only laughed, muttering something about how I've met my match. Whatever! Needless to say, my feelings were hurt, so I went and stood close to mom hoping for some comfort, or at least a few tidbits of human food. All I received were a couple of obligatory pats on the head. Hmph! When did I lose control?

Porn Dogs

Hubba hubba! Look at these sexy girls.

Toothacres

Father's Day started out deliciously with mom barbecuing on the patio. Two paws up for the new barbecue sauce with Guinness beer in it! YUM-MEE!

After our fill of chicken, we rode out to Arbor Hills Nature Conservatory where I almost fainted from the heat. So did mom.

The day ended in a most interesting manner: visiting a graveyard. Not just any graveyard, but a pet cemetery called Toothacres. Apparently, mom and dad had other dogs before me, but they crossed the Rainbow Bridge before I was born and are buried at Toothacres.

Something about that place creeped me out. My sniffer went bananas and I couldn't stop zig-zagging around those carved stones. I think I had what they call the heebie geebies. Fortunately, we didn't hang around there for long.

Izzy's Blog

Mom is forcing me to advertise Izzy's new blog in this post. I deeply resent this intrusion into my space with every strand of my fur. Okay, I've barked my peace, so go visit if you must. This is all the press she gets, though. *pouts*

Ooops!

Hmm.....wonder what happened to Izzy's new toy? Too bad, so sad.

Well, I would've gotten away with it, but I choked on the stuffing for several minutes. I was forced to go to mom for help. Drats! I must learn to be more cunning.

All Is Well

Last night dad gave me the last of that nasty pink liquid they call medicine. I'm as good as new now and hope to avoid fiascos like that in the future. Even if I forget, mom and dad have promised never to give me a ginormous treat like that again.

Yesterday, I was left in charge of the pack while mom and dad went out. I don't know where they went, but they were gone a very long time and returned to us smelling suspiciously of food. I think it was enchiladas, but there was a strong lime/tequila odor as well, so I can't be sure. I did notice there was no doggie bag for us, though. What nerve. Is that how you treat a supervisor? I kept everyone in line all afternoon and it was not an easy job.

All was forgiven later, when we were able to cuddle on the couch together - my 2nd favorite activity behind getting morsels of human food.

My Crappy Weekend

Friday night, mom came home with 2 plastic bags filled with goodies - all for me us! The suspense was killing me as she dug through the bags, pulling out the new packages one at a time and setting them on the counter. Was it toys, treats, or both?! Her intent was to give us the goodies at the same time, so it took a while to open all the packaging and get everything ready for the BIG HANDOUT. My tail was wagging so fast, I nearly fell over. Spenser placed his nose on the counter which mom knew was an unfair advantage, so she shooed him off, bopping him lightly on the nose. "No Spenser, you have to wait." Good thing she reprimanded him because I was about to read him his rights!

Finally, after hours of waiting, she gave each of us a blue ball. Inside the ball was a large treat. Immediately, I noticed that Spenser and Chance had larger treats than mine, so I devised a plan to hide mine behind the sofa, then charge at Spenser forcefully in hopes that he would become so afraid that he'd run away like the big scaredy cat he is. At that point, I would carry his treat to my special place behind the couch, where I would savor both of them while at the same time going “neener, neener” from my safe place. Well, my plan backfired. Spenser bared his teeth and barked right back at me. His bark was so loud it nearly blew me backwards across the room. Spit even flew out of his mouth! Ah well, no harm, no foul, I coolly returned to my special place and started working on my little ball, trying feverishly to pop the treat disc out.

Spenser and Chance popped their treats out in no time flat. I ventured out from behind the couch to see what crumbs I could get from them, but they were gnawing away with such ferocity that I decided to play it safe, going back to my own scrawny little ball. Pretty soon though, I was able to get the treat out. I ate incredibly fast so that no one else could get it. Yay me!

The next day I pooped several times and my poopies had blood in it. I also threw up. Mom went out for a bit and when she came back, there was more poop and more vomit. Dad asked if we should go to the emergency room. Mom said to wait another day and see what happens. In the meantime, she checked my gum color and watched me like a hawk the rest of the day.

That night, as mom and I snuggled in bed, I moaned and groaned. During the night, I pooped again, but when Mom inspected it the next morning, there was no blood. Thinking I was getting better, she went to the movie with a friend and stayed gone for a long time. When she returned, I had more accidents in the house, including vomit. Daddy said we had run out of carpet cleaner. Since my gum color was fine and I had drunk a little water, mom and dad decided I would see Dr. Fred on Monday morning (today). Daddy even canceled his visit to the dentist, he was so worried about me.

Dr. Fred's nurses are sadistic! They stuck two contraptions up my bum, probed me all over, and peered into my mouth and ears. My displeasure was evident, but they didn't seem to care. Doc said my poop sample indicated that I had something called "enteritis". I was sent home on antibiotics, a liquid medication, and 3 cans of bland food. My $12 treat ended up costing an additional $71, lost sleep, and a new bottle of carpet cleaner.

Sadly, my body has betrayed me, because I'm pretty sure mom will never buy me a treat like that again.