Monday, November 24, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Spenser, I'm sorry I bossed you around so much in life and hope you will forgive this grumpy, ol' fella. I really did love ya, man! You were a beast because of your size, but inside you were a true gentleman.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I warned him with a low, authoritative growl to back away, but the mulish creature ignored me! Insubordination from lower pack members is forbidden in my rulebook; therefore, I was forced to issue a harsher edict with a series of growls and lunges which meant, “Take another step and you’re going to regret it.”
Chance has always accepted his place within the pack, and while he might resist my commands at times, he usually concedes. Instead, he brazenly violated my last order, which gave me no other option but to hurl my entire body into him with full force. This action caused Chance to retaliate in a most violent manner, and before I knew it, he brutishly tossed me onto my back with his mouth, sinking his teeth into my neck. I struggled and fought to free myself from his surprisingly vicious attack. If dad had not been standing there, I may have drawn my last breath, right there by the stove, the appliance I treasure the most.
Once dad forced Chance to let me go, I walked slowly over to mom with the most pathetic look I could muster, a big tuft of Chance’s fur hanging from the corner of my mouth. I begged her with my eyes to defend my honor by flogging him in front of everyone. Instead, I received a very humiliating reprimand. I was informed that I am not the boss of anyone in the house, and furthermore, if I don’t mind my P’s and Q’s, I might not be so lucky next time. Humph! I don’t care what they say, I am chief dog around here!
I spent the entire day at the vet’s office getting the royal treatment. Dad even brought my cushy bed for me to loll around in. I had a very exciting day which helped put the whole ghastly experience behind me.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
When mom and I started sleeping in the big, tall bed due to daddy's snoring, I was forced to learn to climb a set of rickety steps in order to have bed privileges. It took a while, but I persevered. Mom tried to teach Izzy and gave up in no time at all. She scoops her up and Izzy immediately burrows underneath the covers to nestle into the softest part of mom's body: her midsection. She’s all, "Oh, Izzy's so small. There's no way she can climb those steps." They never make her work for things like I am forced to do.
Since this latest development, I am letting my contempt for the situation be known by
Why must I share my abode with this poopy girl and the other two beasts? I want to be an only dog, dangit!
Monday, July 14, 2008
BOL - bark out loud
PITT - pain in the tail
ROTFLMTO - rolling on the floor laughing my tail off
LMTO - laughing my tail off
OTOP - on the other paw
BAYL - bark at you later
YTDNM - you're the dog now, man
Monday, July 7, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
We had good reason to worry, too. The humans threw their clothes in those big bags and left with them early the next morning. They were gone before we even had a chance to say "woof". Dad put Izzy in the crate with food and the rest of us were left to fend for ourselves.
Finally, late yesterday afternoon, they arrived home, tired and smelling of tamales. I was so overjoyed, I didn't even care that they didn't bring me a doggie bag. I was stuck to mom like glue for the rest of the night.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
After our fill of chicken, we rode out to Arbor Hills Nature Conservatory where I almost fainted from the heat. So did mom.
The day ended in a most interesting manner: visiting a graveyard. Not just any graveyard, but a pet cemetery called Toothacres. Apparently, mom and dad had other dogs before me, but they crossed the Rainbow Bridge before I was born and are buried at Toothacres.
Something about that place creeped me out. My sniffer went bananas and I couldn't stop zig-zagging around those carved stones. I think I had what they call the heebie geebies. Fortunately, we didn't hang around there for long.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Yesterday, I was left in charge of the pack while mom and dad went out. I don't know where they went, but they were gone a very long time and returned to us smelling suspiciously of food. I think it was enchiladas, but there was a strong lime/tequila odor as well, so I can't be sure. I did notice there was no doggie bag for us, though. What nerve. Is that how you treat a supervisor? I kept everyone in line all afternoon and it was not an easy job.
All was forgiven later, when we were able to cuddle on the couch together - my 2nd favorite activity behind getting morsels of human food.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Finally, after hours of waiting, she gave each of us a blue ball. Inside the ball was a large treat. Immediately, I noticed that Spenser and Chance had larger treats than mine, so I devised a plan to hide mine behind the sofa, then charge at Spenser forcefully in hopes that he would become so afraid that he'd run away like the big scaredy cat he is. At that point, I would carry his treat to my special place behind the couch, where I would savor both of them while at the same time going “neener, neener” from my safe place. Well, my plan backfired. Spenser bared his teeth and barked right back at me. His bark was so loud it nearly blew me backwards across the room. Spit even flew out of his mouth! Ah well, no harm, no foul, I coolly returned to my special place and started working on my little ball, trying feverishly to pop the treat disc out.
Spenser and Chance popped their treats out in no time flat. I ventured out from behind the couch to see what crumbs I could get from them, but they were gnawing away with such ferocity that I decided to play it safe, going back to my own scrawny little ball. Pretty soon though, I was able to get the treat out. I ate incredibly fast so that no one else could get it. Yay me!
The next day I pooped several times and my poopies had blood in it. I also threw up. Mom went out for a bit and when she came back, there was more poop and more vomit. Dad asked if we should go to the emergency room. Mom said to wait another day and see what happens. In the meantime, she checked my gum color and watched me like a hawk the rest of the day.
That night, as mom and I snuggled in bed, I moaned and groaned. During the night, I pooped again, but when Mom inspected it the next morning, there was no blood. Thinking I was getting better, she went to the movie with a friend and stayed gone for a long time. When she returned, I had more accidents in the house, including vomit. Daddy said we had run out of carpet cleaner. Since my gum color was fine and I had drunk a little water, mom and dad decided I would see Dr. Fred on Monday morning (today). Daddy even canceled his visit to the dentist, he was so worried about me.
Dr. Fred's nurses are sadistic! They stuck two contraptions up my bum, probed me all over, and peered into my mouth and ears. My displeasure was evident, but they didn't seem to care. Doc said my poop sample indicated that I had something called "enteritis". I was sent home on antibiotics, a liquid medication, and 3 cans of bland food. My $12 treat ended up costing an additional $71, lost sleep, and a new bottle of carpet cleaner.
Sadly, my body has betrayed me, because I'm pretty sure mom will never buy me a treat like that again.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
For instance, today mom came home and completely threw me off schedule by going straight to the computer instead of to the refrigerator. I was aghast! 'What, no dinner?' I pleaded with my eyes. She continued to ignore me and type on the computer, while I sat there starving. Finally, an hour later she went downstairs and heated up a can of chicken and dumplings which has been our standby all week, and I must admit, it is yummy. For dessert we had a Nutty Buddy - that's my favorite part. Unfortunately, it's also the favorite of Izzy, Chance and Spenser. By the time mom divides the last little bit into four sections, it's hardly worth salivating for.
See, I do have important things going on in my life.
Well, that's enough thinking for one day; I need another nap.