Where Can I File Inhumane Treatment Charges?

Night before last was so much fun. We were all taken on a long walk around the neighborhood. My smelling receptors were in high gear and my bladder seemed to produce just the right amount of liquid for each blade of grass or mailbox my heart desired. I was in true bliss.

Last night, however, Chance and I were subjected to a ghastly experiment which went horribly wrong. Mom brought some sort of contraption home that allowed her to tether Chance and I together while she held onto one leash. She said we were causing too much trouble on separate leads.

This new "strangler", as I like to call it, was torturous and provided no fun at all for me. Chance is at least 2 stories taller than I, which meant that every time I wanted to veer off to sniff something, Chance just jerked me along to wherever HE wanted to go. It was so unfair. Many times, I had to hobble off on 3 legs before I could even get a drop of pee out! I can't tell you how utterly embarrassing it was to be dragged along by the inferior one of the pack. I'm supposed to be in charge. Now everyone in the neighborhood thinks that Chance is in charge.

Spenser had his problems too. He was forced to wear a collar that went over his nose. Ha-ha! I wasn't the only humiliated pooch of the pack! Dad was basically leading him around by the nose to keep him from pulling. It would have been more amusing if I wasn't dealing with my own crisis, and my mom had refrained from laughing at me the entire time.

I swear! The humans are constantly thinking up new ways to torture us. I give so much love, loyalty and devotion to them too! When the humans first informed us that we would go on evening walks, I was so excited. I did hear mom tell dad this morning that she was going to exchange the current death trap strangler for a larger one. Please, God, have mercy on me.